You're not overreacting. She never visited you because she "couldn't stand" your ex-husband, but the food at his restaurant is so magical that she HAS to go there and eat it? And the comment about "at least he's being nice"? Way over the line. Dump her, she is not your friend.

I was in a similar situation - my best friend from High School & I have had bumps in our relationship and have gone through periods were we did not talk for several years. But we recently have been making time for each other and I can honestly say, she is a friend worth riding out the bad times for. You've obviously had a misunderstanding along the way. Your feelings are hurt-her feelings are hurt, but don't let a lousy ex come between you! Sounds like it's time for a heart-to-heart (and not by texting)!

Unless she had to go to that particular restaurant – such as an office dinner where she didn’t really have a say, why the heck would she have gone there in the first place? Then text you about it….it sounds a little odd, to me. I am in a similar situation, but I’m the friend, and though I was friends with her ex husband first, I’m sickened by his actions. I didn’t want to visit their home because of him either, so I would go to their house when I knew he would not be home versus going altogether. Ironically, her ex also works at a nearby restaurant, in which I just don’t go to. They’re a dime a dozen and I can easily find another one to go to.

Because he treated you so poorly, it’s almost like she gets a boost out of him treating her well…so she has to tell you about it. I don’t think I would completely cut her out, but definitely keep her at arms length and watch what you share with her. She can still be your friend you have fun with, but just not a confidant.

It sounds to me like she's trying to annoy you on purpose. Is she married? Maybe she's jealous of your new freedom maybe? I have a friend that gets Jealous very easily and she does stuff like this. I rarely even talk to her anymore after about 13 years of friendship because her new mission in life is apparently trying to one up me or constantly doing thing similar to this because deep down I think she is miserable with her life right now. So maybe she isn't happy and you know the whole misery loves company........

I think you need to think about whether or not she is worth all the aggravation. If she is then you should have a talk with her. Confront her. if you are that good of friends you should be able to tell her when she's doing something that is bothering you. If she can't have respect for your wishes of not hearing or talking about your ex, than she's already proven herself as an unworthy friend.

I think sometimes women that are so close to us have a tendency to become more of an enemy than a friend. I've learned over the years that a friend is not someone that continually makes you question your relationship with that person.

I have been here with different circumstances. This is tough. You want to fight for your relationship with her but at the same time you think "what is the point?"! In my situation I wish I could make a clean break but don't have the strength. I really don't know what to say. If you can ignore it and move on, then do so. Otherwise address the situation and try and move forward with all feelings out in the open.

Kristinh1012, wow this sentence really hit home "I think sometimes women that are so close to us have a tendency to become more of an enemy than a friend. I've learned over the years that a friend is not someone that continually makes you question your relationship with that person." Well put!

I can tell you right now, she isnt a friend for doing that. texting you like that just shows that she knows its a sore spot, and wants you to react. this "friend" WANTS to hurt you. thats not a friend,thats a bully.

dump her sorry, sad a** and move on, sorry to say!

~Gem

At first I was going to say you are overreacting, that your reply was pretty snippy, but after thinking about it... it was weird of her to text you like that. She knew it would bother you, so why did she even do it in the first place? It wouldn't let this incident break up the friendship, but maybe you should keep an eye on her from now on.

You both have tendencies toward abusive men - this doesn't set up well for a strong, mature friendship. I know it stings when she says he's being nice, because the bottom line is, he's an abuser. But I think you overreacted to her text. She was thinking of you and commiserating with you, and you shot back a nasty reply. If you live in the same area as him, it is unreasonable to never hear about him or see him. You can't go attacking everyone who mentions something about him.

In my book friends of family of abused women should ALWAYS respect their wishes regarding distance from the ex in whatever way it has to be done. Your friend is not being supportive of how difficult this has been for you. IMO, she sounds terribly immature and like a bad friend. Have a talk with her and tell her you're sorry, but seriously, you don't want to hear about your ex, and that it's not even something to laugh at. If she can't understand that, then....

I wouldn't blame her for not jumping to hang out with you while you were with your ex. If my friend was with an abuse guy and I couldn't talk sense into her, I'd want to stay away from her too. The fact that she was willing to come around whenever your guy "did something" is great on her part. Excuse her for not calling you all the time to watch you ruin your life.

At first I thought you were overreacting... But your friend is really odd. Maybe her comment was completely neutral and meant nothing. If she HAD to meet up with someone at the place he works, you should cut her some slack. Maybe she wanted to text you because she knew you'd care.

I don't know your friend so I can't say much for you, just go with your own feelings. Tell her she upset you if you want, talk it out.

Protect your heart until you find someone who can do it better than you.

First, when you were in the relationship did you call her/text her about everything he did to you? Because I have a friend who's in a werid fake-up type of relationship and everytime they break up she tells me or whatever, and once I saw him somewhere didn't tell her and when she found out from someone else, [even though she didn't want to hear about him at the time]she got upset with me for not telling her.

"But I think you overreacted to her text. She was thinking of you and commiserating with you, and you shot back a nasty reply. If you live in the same area as him, it is unreasonable to never hear about him or see him. You can't go attacking everyone who mentions something about him."

I agree. Even though it was a b*tchy comment from her, you probably hurt her feelings with yours, yeah you don't want to hear about him but I've had friends tell me that sort of thing then go on to talk about it and I won't lie, I've 'fixed' friendships by having a snippy text convo with my friend about her ex, a girl we didn't like, etc. and from the sound of it that's what she was trying to do and you cut her down. Was it immature of her, maybe, but since you haven't spoken to her in awhile, this was probably the first way she could think to reconnect with you.

And about her avoiding you, that was probably also a part of her feelings for your husband. UIf you got together with her then complained about him she would get fed up and the easiest way to avoid snapping at you since if her advice was to leave him and you didn't, was not to make contact with you.

Ewwwww, she isn't your friend.

I guess I don't see how it's a really big deal, she was just commiserating with you that he is "yucky" and she said that she wasn't enjoying having to look at him. You gave her a snotty response, so she probably said a snotty response back to you because you got snotty with her first. There has to be a lot more than this to it if your so mad as to not talk to your friend of almost 20 years!!... maybe asess what that is.

That being said, I'm sorry for your divorce. It is Crazy Times to go through that but you will get through it and one day, you'll be completely over it. I know!! {{hugs}}

and I don't think she isn't your friend, unless theres more to this. It just sounds like she is getting exasperated with you being so touchy with her, who you can and should trust in her opinion probably and here you are being snotty with her...

Nup. Ditch it. You were perfectly reasonable in your reply but she may have misinterpreted it. I'f she's eating at that joint and telling you about it then she just wants to cause you hurt.